I came across this passage from Ephesians:
"Slaves obey your human masters with fear and trembling;and do it with a sincere heart, as though you were serving Christ. Do this not only when they are watching you, because you want to gain there approval;but with all your heart do what God wants, as slaves of Christ. Do your work as slaves cheerfully, as though you served the lord, and not merely men. Remember that the Lord will reward everyone, whether slave or free, for the good work he has done."
I'm a woman of faith. I am a Catholic. I've always been, it is something I was born to, something I was raised in. Even during my more faithless points of life, when I didn't go to church regularly, if at all, I still felt and was Catholic. Master and I are both Catholic in much the same way. We attend Mass together each week, we both grew up in the church and can't imagine leaving it.
Which is why I guess, I equate my slavery with faith so strongly. When we are in Mass, so many times the lessons there speak to our relationship--letting go of control, having faith in the motives of my Master, serving with a happy heart, even when I don't want to.
This is the sticky wicket for me sometimes. The When I Don't Want To part. Because the truth of the matter is that Master and I don't live together. We never see each other during the week, although we are in near constant contact by phone, or email or text or what have you. There are things I'm required to do that I sometimes just...don't want to do. And nobody would be the wiser if I didn't do them. So where is the harm in skipping my evening meditation ritual? Not taking my panties off in the car as instructed? Wearing panties when I was told not to?
The harm is in depending on Master for my submission, and I think I finally, finally really get that now. I always have a choice in everything I do--get up on time (not a choice I make often enough, sadly) hold my tongue with the snarky remark I'd like to make, remember to follow my protocols, even when alone. Most of these things I do alone. He isn't here, he isn't within 200 miles of me. But he should be here, always. He should be in my heart, should be in my thoughts--at the top of my thoughts. I should do what I do to honor him, to please him, to represent him whether or not anyone ever sees it but me.
Because it is in that moment, that second that I'm thinking of how I honor him by doing the dishes, when I push all the chairs in at the conference table, when I hold the door open for someone, when I am the best me I can possibly be that I am most fully his. Most fully living as a representative of Him and his ideals. And nothing can give that to me: not Master, not a fancy collar, not marks on my back. I give it to myself by giving everything I have to Master.